.HUSBANDS VS. HORSES
GOOD THINGS ABOUT HUSBANDS:
1. Husbands are less expensive to shoe than horses.
2. Feeding a husband doesn't require anything that even mildly compares with the hassle of putting up hay.
3. A lame husband can still work.
4. A husband with a bellyache doesn't have to be walked.
5. Husbands don't try to scratch their heads on your back.
6. They are better able to understand puns.
7. If they are playing hard to catch, you **may** be able to run them down on foot.
8. They know their name.
9. They usually pay their own bills.
10. They apologize when they step on your toes.
11. No saddle fitting problems.
12. They seldom refuse to get into the vehicle.
13. They don't panic - running and yelling all through the house when you leave them alone (unless you've left the kids with them too!).
14. For a nominal fee, you can hire someone else to clip them.
15. They don't like the lady next door just as well as you, just because she fed him for 3 days straight.
THE HORSE'S ADVANTAGE:
1. If they don't work out you can sell them.
2. They don't come complete with in-laws.
3. You don't have to worry about your children looking like them.
4. You never have to iron their saddle pads.
5. If you get too fat for one, you can shop for a bigger one.
6. They smell good when they sweat.
7. You can repair their "clothes" with duct tape.
8. It's possible to keep them from "jumping the fence" ...
9. You can force them to stay in good physical condition ... with a whip if necessary.
10. They don't want their turn at the computer.
11. They may turn white with age, but never go bald.
12. They have never heard of PMS.
13. They learn to accept restraint.
14. They don't care what you look like as long as you have a carrot or an apple.
ALL I NEED TO KNOW IN LIFE - I LEARNED FROM MY HORSE
When in doubt, run far, far away.
You can never have too many treats.
Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.
Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
Heaven is eating for at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.
Eat plenty of roughage.
Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
In times of crisis, take a poop.
Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.
A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.
THE HORSE TRUTH ABOUT CREATION
On the first day of creation, God created the Horse.
On the second day, God created man to serve the Horse.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to spook the Horse when man was on his back.
On the fourth day, God created an honest day's work so that man could labour to pay for the keeping of the Horse.
On the fifth day, God created the grasses in the field so that Horse could eat and man could toil and clean up after the Horse.
On the sixth day, God created Veterinary Science to keep the Horse healthy and man broke.
On the seventh day, God rested and said "This is good.
This will teach man humility.
It will tire him out and keep him striving ever forward to meet the needs of the Horse."